​(3) Excerpt from The Crying Princess (adult fairy tale, not x rated just not a children's tale)
“Wait,” said the princess, “we still don’t know what he wants in return.”
            “What do you want in return little hunchback man?”
            “He doesn’t like to be called that.” the princess said.
            “I couldn’t care less, I have twenty peasants out there waiting to be hanged, the Queen of Sheba and the bishop of Seville are coming today, I don’t want them kept awake all night by this one bawling.”
            “I’ll do the best I can sir,” said the little hunchback.
            “What can I give you in return? She says you have no interest in gold and silver and rubies and diamonds.”
            “I’ll take her off your hands.”
            “No!” shouted the princess
            “I have a house made from gold and silver and rubies and diamonds.”
            “That’s good enough for me,” said the king. “The brat has been spoiled rotten from day one, we gave her everything she asked for, she got witches, wizards, jesters, dwarfs and fools to keep her entertained; She could cast a spell or put a curse on you when she was only six, she made her own poisons, she had her own torture chamber and even her own personal hangman with plenty of peasants to hang; Where did we go wrong?”
            “She’ll settle in grand in my place,” the little hunchback said.
            “I’ll kill his monkey.”
            “Let’s just forget the whole thing and I’ll be on my way.”
            “Chop his head off daddy.”
            “You’re all a bunch of fucking nuts, I’m out of here.”
            “Oh no you’re not,” the queen said and grabbed little Lassie, she held her up to the princess…….
Click on the story above to finish reading. The Crying Princess.

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​(4) Excerpt from Spaguto Lezuki. (read the entire story on this website)
 
“That man that you sent to have his head chopped off, he and your father have been laughing and drinking all day, they’ve been in the banquet hall feasting for hours,” the servant said.
            “WHAT? WHAT? I don’t believe this, get out of my way you hairy faced fool.” she said as she stormed off to the banquet hall.
            “Ah, my dear, come, come, I want you to meet my new friend, this is Seth, he comes from the future, he’s been telling me all about how stupid the world will become in 2020.”
            “I don’t want to hear anything about it, I sent him here to have his head chopped off.”
            “Nonsense my dear come and listen, he tells of people walking around taking selfies and talking into a little box that people can hear thousands of miles away.”         
“Stop, stop it father you’re drunk, he’s making a fool out of you, people in the future will be educated and intelligent, I won’t listen to this drivel.”
            “No, No daughter you have to listen, go ahead Seth tell her what a selfie is.”
            “Well princess, a selfie is like a painting of your own image, you hold the little box at arm’s length and smile, then a flash of light goes off and low and behold you can then send that image anywhere in the world instantly so that total strangers can look at it and see what you look like, then they in turn will send you images of their fat little children and their dogs dressed up in Christmas costumes.”
            “He’s quite mad father, why would millions of strangers want to see an image of someone they don’t even know? And who wants to see images of their fat children?”
            “It’s entertainment, people take thousands of selfies every day, you can also send an image of a meal before you eat it so that the same strangers can envy you and say, ‘what a wonderful time he’s having,’ then you can send an image of the empty plate. I sent one today of you on your pig, It’s bound to get a million likes.”
            “He’s out of his mind and a danger to the public father, off with his head, I insist, and what kind of a name is Seth anyway, who would name a child Seth?”
The king got excited. “Wait a minute future-man, do you mean to say you brought this little magic selfie box with you?” he said.
            “Yes king, your henchmen took it when they brought me here, it’s in my bag.”
The king sent for Seth’s bag. “Bring it here immediately you chicken brained mongrels, I’ll have your heads off,” he roared.
The servants brought the bag on the end of a long pole, a look of sheer terror on their faces. “There’s someone in there your highness, tiny devils, I beg you please don’t open the bag it’s a trick.”
            “Nonsense you imbeciles, it’s his magic box for sending selfies around the world, the man is  a highly educated genius, he comes from the future, Go, leave.”
The servants didn’t wait to be told twice they scattered off in all directions like terrified rabbits.
“Uneducated Neanderthals, I’m surrounded by fools,” the king roared.
But Seth understood the servant’s terror and for the first time he regretted choosing that particular ringtone, because the voice in the phone was saying, “It’s me, it’s your phone, answer me, answer me, hello, hello, answer me.” it repeated. The king jumped up and grabbed his sword. “Stand back future-man,” he shouted. The princess screamed, the court jesters stood terrified, the servants ran away followed by a scatter of terrified midgets.

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(5) Excerpt from Sproggy Clumperdink. (adult fairy story)

“Well you have to admit Wonky you did turn some of our dogs into cats and such.”                
“I would never do such a thing, you know me.”                                                “Well, maybe you didn’t mean it but half the dogs in town are now cats.”           
"I bet it was Sproggy, I gave him one of my old wands to practice on, he was only supposed to make cats afraid of mice."                                                                          
“Well he has squirrels barking like dogs and chasing wagons, he has rabbits laying eggs and chickens grunting like pigs and flying all over the place, chickens are not supposed to fly Wonky.”                                                                                                    
“Yes----- Yes, this is more serious than I thought, I, I actually taught him how to do a few other things that I really can’t really talk about right now.”                                                                                         
“You WHAT? You mean like casting spells and stuff?”
“Well, sort of, but I’ll fix it, I’ll go see my cousin in Smellyriver tomorrow, he’ll straighten the little bastard out."            
“Good, but in the meantime he’s getting better on that broomstick thing, how the hell does it fly anyway Wonky?”  An official asked. 
“Well I can’t divulge a thousand years of skill and expertise that have gone into its development, I mean, you’d have every half-wit in the country flying around creating havoc in the skies, look at Clumperdink for example. However in a nutshell it’s a concoction of thermo dynamic rays interacting with rotating cosmic proton particles producing positive centrifugal force energy which allows for pressurized atmospheric osmotic propulsion resulting in opposing gravity pull.”                            
“Oh…. that’s what I thought.”
Well, there were no more questions, the townspeople had a renewed faith in Wonky and were beginning to think that Sproggy had been behind all the nastiness that old Wonky had been blamed for. But now that Sproggy had gotten the taste for wizardry and had acquired a few wizard-like skills it wasn’t going to be an easy task to bring him to a screeching halt, no sirée Bob.  The mayor’s office had to act fast as townspeople were talking about taking matters into their own hands, there was already a bunch of religious nuts surrounding Sproggy’s house and showering it with Holy water blessed by that self professed preacher Joey Olteen himself. This only fuelled Sproggy’s anger and he started a series of house fires by throwing fireballs now instead of snowballs. Several attempts the shoot him down with arrows and cannonballs failed as he was as fast now as a streak of lightening. A reward for his capture was posted by emperor Bushy Bush. “We have an old saying in the west, Bushy said, “Wanted, Dead or Alive.”
“How the hell did that fool ever become emperor?” Rita Rickenbaum said.

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